Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
