My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
