I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
