ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
