tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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