Porn is love you can see.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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