Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
