this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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