carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
