she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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