just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
