Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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