I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
