I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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