it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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