he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
