I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
