fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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