Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
