I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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