I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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