a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
