Too much gin, very little bucket
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
