I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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