a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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