I'm so fucking centered right now
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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