It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
