she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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