She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
