i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
