Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
