i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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