I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
