hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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