The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
