I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
