Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
