I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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