some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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