I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
