all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
