Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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