Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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