i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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