using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
