i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
