I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
