Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
