I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
