WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
