mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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