Did I show you my penis last night?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
