Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
