just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
