SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
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I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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