i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
