My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
