whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
