So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I look better un-naked...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
