let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
