well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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