Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
