she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
