Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
