Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
