Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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