Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
