I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
