I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
