that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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