I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
