so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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