I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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