i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize